


So Long, and Thanks for All the Kinslaying

by laughingalonewithducks



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Happy AU, Multi, au where everyone is significantly less of an asshole, complete and utter crack, h2g2 au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-13 03:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2135457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingalonewithducks/pseuds/laughingalonewithducks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the beginning, the Silmarils were created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has widely been regarded as a bad move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Long, and Thanks for All the Kinslaying

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SO SORRY wait actually no i'm not
> 
> warning: no actual plot. mostly familial bitching/pining/poor characterisation

The problem, Fëanáro had decided some time into the so-called 'eternal paradise' provided by the Valar, was that 'paradise' was, in fact, boring. _Eternally_ boring, even. Boring enough to give you the sort of ideas that tended to end in tears, and, occasionally, blood. Like creating what turned out to be possibly the most desired objects in the entire multiverse.

Also, the Valar as a whole tended to be really irritating. And sort of stupid, because releasing a _known criminal_ on the basis that he had made some vague noises about redemption and 'no, I'm a good guy now, honest' was quite possibly the _worst_ idea Feanaro had ever heard of. Which was really saying something, considering his own record of poor life decisions.

So, after said criminal had _stolen_ his crowning achievement, well, he'd been a bit pissed. He'd done some things and said some things in the heat of the moment that he really shouldn't have, and things had gotten out of hand.

Somehow, he had fired up a good portion of his people and convinced them to follow him on a mad quest to beat the shit out of Melkor.

Fëanáro stared at the distant glimmers that marked the Teleri settlement, and deeply regretted not taking Nerdanel up on her offer of anger management classes. And then he regretted not being more persuasive in his attempts to get her to tag along. And then he regretted some other, vague memories of things he had done that were not, perhaps, the best of ideas.

He continued to stare at the glimmering city on the docks and regret a significant portion of his life until Carnistir attempted to cheer Maitimo up by punching him in the face.

(It worked. To an extent. Maitimo had, at least, forgotten his Findekáno-related lovesickness for a time... but mostly because he spent the majority of that time beating seven colours of guts out of his brother.)

**Author's Note:**

> next up: something that seems vaguely like the kinslaying at alqualonde, only without any actual kinslaying. or fighting. or anything, really.
> 
> possibly the only resemblance to alqualonde is the fact that the teleri lose their ships and are pissed about it.
> 
> oh, also, i'm using the quenya names for this, because every time i use the sindarized versions i end up getting fingon and fingolfin confused and considering this is at least partly a russingon fanfic i don't really think anyone's going to enjoy reading about fingolfin and maedhros getting it on


End file.
